A girl in Middle Earth
by NamelessNobody
Summary: An anonymous girl finds herself in Middle Earth, on the verge of war, still screwing up her life. (Rated PG-13 for battle scenes -eventually- and crude humor -sortof-)
1. who what when where why how?

She was always an outcast. What few friends she had were obsessive of the movie, The Lord of the Rings, and she was too. She knew how to make a robe-like dress like what the characters wear out of a pillow case and bed sheet. She was extremely self-conscious and found herself very ugly. Her untamed light brown hair was medium lengthy and tended to fall into her face. Her brown eyes were large and sad, and exactly the same as her hair color.

Her depressed nature made her friends mad constantly, but she knew they weren't really her friends. They felt sorry for her and put up with her. After a long, boring day of school, she was laying in her bed crying. "I wish I could live somewhere else. Somewhere, like middle earth." A flash came and she found herself next to a giant forest. A strange character came out and shot her in the stomach. She feel down and passed out to the sound of approaching horse steps.

After Eomer became king of Rohan, he married Lothiriel, and they lived happily for three years. She died of natural causes (cancer, but no one knew what that was or how to stop it or even what was wrong.) Eomer was devastated. He ventured out a year afterward alone to visit Legolas and Gimli, explorers of the Fangorn forest ( they were looking for the Ent wives) and get advice on the matter of Orc sightings near Rohan.. On his way, he came across a young woman whom had been shot in the belly with an arrow. He rushed to her side and saw she was unconscious. He forgot about Legolas and Gimli and brought her back to Rohan. 

Eomer carried her into the palace and laid her onto the bed. She opened her eyes and muttered, "What's crackin' on my homie g?"

He looked at her awkwardly and she passed out again. 

Three days passed and he never left her side. (well, except to you-know-what, but that's a given) On the third day she woke up and stared at him, he stared back and neither said anything. After about a minute or two, she took a deep breath and screamed. 

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" 

Took another breath and screamed again. 

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" 

Then Eomer started laughing uncontrollably. 

"What's so funny? Where am I? Who am I? WHATS GOING ON?!"

He stopped laughing and said, 

"I found you near death three days ago outside the Fangorn Forest. I have no clue as to who you are, our what you are doing in those crazy clothes!"

She looked down and saw she was in her "normal" clothes.

"Ummm......this is all I have to wear..."

"Well, I can fix that" 

He stood up and she followed him to a big room filled with all sorts of clothes. 

"Take whatever and whichever you want" 

She walked around the room and saw a beautiful, long, red dress with a golden sash. "WOOOOOOOW" and she picked it up.

"I love this one! O! Look at that one! Wow."

and she threw the red dress over her shoulder and grabbed a blue with light blue sash. "Oh! That one's gorgeous!" and she went around the room gathering all sorts of dresses while Eomer looked at her strangely. A servant came and whispered into his ear. 

"I must leave you for a while. When you are finally finished, feel free to venture about the castle."

"Where are you going?"

"a gang of Saruman's orcs have been spotted ."

"But I thought he was..." 

"No, no he didn't. He managed to gather a small army of Orcs and will continue to try to wipe out the race of men." 

"...That sucks..."

"..You say very strange things. I will return from counsel later." 

and he left the room. 

She changed into a green dress and wondered about the halls.

"I wonder If they are coming after me."

She wondered out loud. She walked up to the big gates outside of the castle and looked up. 

"I wonder if they are looking for me..."


	2. so

*~*"What are you doing outside, My lady?" 

She jumped as she had been focusing on the gates to outside Rohan. "Uhhhhhhhhh........just admiring the fine craftsmanship on the gates." 

She turned around to see whom had frightened her. 

"Lord Aragorn! How nice to finally meet you. How is Arwen?" 

"She is with child in Gondor. Will you accompany back into the palace?" 

"O.K" 

On the way back Aragorn questioned her on her strange arrival clothes.

"They're, uh, what my people wear." 

"Where did you come from?" 

"Tyrone Georgia"

she said in a very deep southern voice.

"Where?"

"It's, uh, not in Middle Earth, it's very far away. I have no clue how I got here. I cannot even remember my name."

"Interesting..."

"How so?"

"my lady, you ask many questions to which I have not an answer."

"As do you."

He looked at her and smiled. She reminded her of a younger Lorithiel.

Once she had re-entered the palace, Eomer came to her at once. "Where did you go?"

"I wanted to see the gates...They are very shinny" and she gave him a very big cheesy smile as he looked at her strangely yet again. 

"Please do your best to remain in the castle. We shall be leaving for Helm's Deep at dawn." He started to walk away.

"Why?" she asked curiously. 

"Because the Orcs are hunting you and that is the best place to hide you."

"Finally! Someone answers me honestly! YAY! I've never been to Helm's Deep before. What does it look like? Did you fix the break in the wall yet? How long has it been since you've been there? How long will it take? Whe-" 

"PLEASE, my lady," Eomer said sternly, "refrain from asking any more obnoxious questions. Can you ride a horse?"

"I have once before, but fell off and landed on my head."

Eomer muttered something about it affecting her mind. "The Legolas will accompany you. Can you wield a sword?"

"No, but I was on the color guard and we spin sabers."

"Do what? Oh well. I'll take that as a no. Aragorn will teach you for a little while. Until tonight, my lady." He bowed and left the room.

"Wow, I feel special. A king bowed to me. Why did he do that?"

"Because we believe you may be the one who shall finally slay Sauraman." 

"Me?" She said, stunned. Aragorn nodded his head. 

"THAT IS SO FAKE! I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHO I AM! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I CAN KILL A WHITE WIZARD?" She stormed into a room and slammed the door. She came back out immediately and said "That would be the sword closet." And went to the bedroom.


	3. Let's get wasted!

As all disclaimers, I do not own LOTR. There is no use in suing me because all I have is....looks in pockets LINT! Want it? Here! Jams in comp 

Bad reviews will be used to burn Lesley Mobley at the stake. (points and laughs) 

*~*~*~*~*~*

*~* After three long hours of non-stop sword lessons from (the oh-so-hot) Aragorn, it was time for dinner.

"My lady, your welcome feast is ready" 

"AWE-SUM PAW-SUM!"

Aragorn and the servant looked at her awkwardly.

"Why does everyone look at me like that?" 

They went inside to find a large table covered with all sorts of exquisite foods and wines. "Uh.....is there any water available?" Everyone looked at her. "Why would you prefer water to wine?" Eomer asked and expected a crazy answer.

"Well, I'm under twenty-one."

"What does that have to do with it?" He asked. 

"true........let's get drunk! YEAH!!" She then chugged down the closest pitcher of wine. Everyone looked around bizarrely and then began to eat. 

After she left the table, she was staggering around singing:

"99 ottles of (hiccup) beeeeeerr on da wallsh, 

99 ottles of (hiccup) earrrrrr 

take one or (hiccup) two 

go take (hiccup)a poo,

27 ottles of (hiccup) bere off da...

Ello Eeeeeeowmer! (hiccup) Ow are you ou ou ou? I'm just a wee (hiccup) bit drank as I hopeses you can tell. (hiccup)" 

"My lady, I think you've had quite enough to drink" 

"OH! I think not. Bring on the beer! (hiccup)" 

"Oh dear. Well, if you would follow me...-" 

"I Think I haven't had enough to drink to let you bring me to bed quite yet (hiccup)" 

"I would not do that"

"I'm sure you wouldn't. Now, give me a (hiccup) sword, I have to practice so I can woop Aragorn's a-"

"I believe you need some rest. Please go to you room."

"Whateva. (hiccup)" She continued to stager down the hall toward the room running into the walls randomly, still singing. 

"Oh my. She will never have another sip of wine as long as I'm alive."


	4. Exactly what are we doing?

Disclaimer the same as always. I own nothing.

Bad reviews will be used to burn Lesley and Bradley. (Mwah hahahahaha!)

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She awoke to the sound of banging on the door. 

"What the crap do you want?!" 

"My lady," came Eomer booming voice, "It is dawn, we must leave." 

"Now? Oh man....I think I have a hangover..." 

"A what?" 

"Never mind! I'll be out in a minute!" She reluctantly crawled out of bed then remembered that she was going to double ride with Legolas. She perked up immediately and got dressed in a white dress. (Smart, to prevent dehydration and passing out) 

When she opened the door, she found Eomer about to knock again. "We must leave now. Are your things packed?"

"Yup."

"Follow me, my lady."

"We need to come up with a name for me. I'm tired of being 'My lady'. I'm not yours." 

He laughed at this. "What would you like for me to call you? Lady Curious?" 

"Naw....how about Natalie? That's a pretty name." 

"Alright. Let's saddle up, Lady Natalie." And she saw Legolas. 

He looked older than he did in the movie, and she started to wish she could ride with Eomer. She was becoming fond of him. The horse was moving bumpily, and making her hangover worse. "Never again.....never again..."

"What?" 

"Oh, nothing." And she got another look of curiosity. 

"We shall rest here for the night." Eomer said strongly. He was becoming more attractive to her by the minute. "Uh, Lord Eomer? Where shall I be? I mean, there are five men and one me." 

"Hmmm...you can rest on the other side of the fire tonight." 

"Thank you, my Lord" and she started to make herself comfortable. 

"Would you like some lembas bread?" 

"Oh, yes please." and she accepted the elfish bread gratefully from Eomer.

"So, how far are we?" 

"About one more day."

"Well, that's good news."

"Not from Helm's Deep, from Gondor. We are escorting Aragorn back." 

"Oh. What about Legolas?"

"He will stay there with him."

"Ok. After that, we go to Helm's Deep, alone?"

"Yes, so you had better learn to ride fast." 

"Ah. Ok. Well, better go and learn more sword tricks." He looked at he awkwardly yet again.

"sigh I wish everyone would stop with that. Goodnight, My Lord." 

"Until Morning, My Lady." 

She finally (After three days of practice) kicked Aragorn's butt at sword fighting. 

"You learned fast, Lady Natalie."

"Ah, but not nearly as fast as you know." And pinned him to the ground. "TO-SHAY!" 

At that, everyone looked at her _yet _again. "I know, I know" and she let him get up. "Let's go!" and they saddled up once more and headed for Gondor.


End file.
